10 Guidelines for selecting Your mate
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Penned by Jimmie Burroughs

Today the divorce rate stands around 50%. This means that lots of folks are choosing their mate poorly. Essentially the divorce rate doesn't give the full picture. Of 10 unions only 5 stay married, 2 stay married because of finances or the children, that leaves only 3 out of 10 who are in some way compatible. It is believed that only 1 or 2 out of 10 unions are actually a happy marriage. It is true you're not very likely to ever find the ideal match but the closer you come to it, the better. Consider the following proposals before you choose your mate:



1. Base you choice on personality, not looks and chemistry

2. Chose someone who does not need to modify to suit your desires

3. Pick someone that shares your same goals and has similar priorities

4. Take time to begin to know somebody prior to making a decision

5. Consider the spiritual connection

6. Pick someone who understands your needs

7. Be completely honest and discern if the other person is being fair

8. Do not expect someone else to make you satisfied

9. Never select someone on a rebound

10. Choose a person with whom you are feeling good being with

Choose character:

Bad character equals a bad marriage. Some of the finest looking people have no character. Ask, does the person share some of the same values I hold? If not, be cautious because they are going to do things that won't meet your approval. Some of the crucial personality traits to look for are:

Truth

Kindness

Pleasantness

Kindness

Loving

Patience

A young man was confused because his pop taught him to be honest but when someone called the father on the phone that he didn't want to chat to, he would tell his boy to tell them he wasn't at home. That may seem to be a small thing but it is a character issue and also a pointer that if an individual is deceitful in such a trivial matter, they will also be dishonest in larger matters. It is the little things that are clearly conspicuous that define a person's character more than anything else.

It's not hard to observe if a person yields to the character traits mentioned above. They're going to come out in many methods and if you are an enthusiastic observer, you'll soon know anothers personality extremely soon in the relationship.

You never are required to betray your personality on sexual matters. It isn't critical to have a sexual trial run before you are married to determine if you are sexually compatible. Divorces are never based totally on intimacy issues. The primary reason for divorce is financial issues.

Be warned: You are not certain to change another person:

Folks do change, but it is of their own volition and not because somebody else wants them to. Essentially as a rule somebody does change after they marry, but it is usually for the worst as their true self comes out. Ask the question: Can I live with this person just as they're? If the answer is no, then don't marry them.

Discuss your targets and priorities:

Tim Teabow made the statement that he did not share the opinion that some have that football is the most significant thing in the world. If you marry someone who thinks it is, be sure he is not going to change and all of a sudden decide that you're. He's going to be busy watching the game and you can do whatever. Also this perspective can extend to any number of other stuff such as work, fishing, going out with the guys, work etc. If he is interested in nothing but himself, it will become obvious very shortly.

Debate your ambitions and priorities and observe their reaction and level of interest. If your ambitions and priorities don't match, better not go any further. Another good rough guide isn't date anyone that you wouldn't consider to be a future better half.

Take a little time to know someone:

It will take time to start to know an individual you want to keenly observe their actions in many setting to figure out. What kind of person they are. Don't make excuses for their poor behaviour and try to justify it. Instead discern what they are made from. You won't know everything about them, but you'll know enough to understand if you can live with the way that they are. Notice how they treat those that they do not need to be good to their hygiene their habits. If they smoke and you don't, don't walk off run away. Notice everything about them.

Religious connection:

Do they share your spiritual beliefs? What do they think about God? If you are a follower and they are not, that would make a mixed marriage which will bring Problems later. I'm a single follower and I wouldn't consider dating an unbeliever, not because I am better, but because there is no compatibility. Our convictions are too far apart. Mixed marriage invites some very tricky Problems to handle. If you are already in a mixed marriage, it isn't a reason to divorce your mate you must live with your differences.

Select someone that will meet your needs:

This is particularly true if you are a woman. Men are notorious for not understanding a woman's wants. Men and women differ greatly, and the Bible is extraordinarily clear about a man's responsibility to meet his wife's needs: "Husbands love your wives even as Christ adored the church and gave himself for it." The greater responsibility is the husband's and if he fails in the area of letting his wife know with no doubt that she is the most significant thing in his life, apart from God naturally, then he's not meeting her wants completely. A woman's primary need is to know she is loved. Read: 7 Ways to Win a Woman's Love

Somebody related that a dog is the one thing who loves another more than himself. Well, husbands should love their wives just that much also. According to the Bible it should be enough to die for them.

Be absolutely honest:

Once trust is damaged in any relationship, it is virtually impossible to revive. Once a hubby, wife, friend, or a potential mate has damaged trust, the relationship is not likely ever to be the same again. If you don't trust somebody before you marry them, do not think you will be able to after you are married. I've known folks who've lived with their spouse for years never trusting them again because they were once disloyal.

Another isn't answerable for your happiness:

Don't expect someone else to make you happy. If you're unhappy before you marry, you're likely to be unhappy when you're married. No one is responsible to make another happy. That is each person's sole, private responsibility. We should want to make the other person's life better if possible but we aren't answerable for their happiness.

Never rebound:

If you're fresh out of a relationship, give time to deal with your sentiments before becoming involved in another relationship. You will have lots of baggage that must be dropped and to carry it into another relationship will only cloud the issue.

Select a person that you're comfortable with:

You shouldn't have to fear expressing yourself because of it disturbing the other person. If there is fear in a committed relationship, that is going to bring you a lot of discomfort. I do not mean to assert that you should intentionally push the other person's hot buttons, but then basically if somebody is so sensitive as to have hot buttons to begin with, perhaps that's a consideration also. An individual should have the right of expression so long as it's not wicked and planned to hurt someone else. If you don't feel at ease and truly enjoy being with an individual better back off it is not certain to improve but certain to worsen.

Conclusion:

Nothing gives you a 100% guarantee that the choice you make for your mate is going to work out, but these 10 things certainly will help. There's always that element of risk when you enter marriage, but the objective is to be smart and do not let your feelings do the thinking for you. Use your best intuition. If you have questions on the relationship, don't be scared to ask and clear them up before you marry. It is going to be way easier then than after you are married.


About the author: Jimmie Burroughs is an inspirational speaker and author who has been concerned in teaching Christian Personal Development for more than 30 years. He is a dedicated believer in Jesus Christ, and considers helping folks to become their absolute best thru personal growth is his primary focus in life. His internet site contains over 600 articles on preparing yourself for success thru private development and the things which go with private development. His writing centres on the truth instead of fluff that just tickles the ears.